With my father passing on and some other minor issues causing me some worry, i think i just have to get in touch more with my self, my religion and maybe with my family.
It just came into mind that i was born and was brought up in a Buddhist religion. I don't think my self of being religious. But lately, i have been doing some thinking, as a "Buddhist", pardon the inverted commas, as i think i do not qualify as being a proper devotee, as i don't even know the proper days to associate the prayers. I never go to temples unless forced by parents, and i think like most people when horrible luck befalls a person, then they look to God or heaven for that matter to "Pray" for something or say "Why me ?"
During my early working years, my Catholic friends took me cell group hopping. Through that i experienced a lot of different perceptions on the differing Christian Denominations. It's kind of hard to explain but very interesting to see each different beliefs being laid out before you. The cell group i went to were a few, and some of the churches i went to were also very interesting like FGA, where their worship style is charismatic.
But most of the time, my experiences with Christianity is based mostly with Roman Catholicism. I was bribed into going to CHOICE by a good and great friend named Thomas and his then girlfriend Joanna, whom eventually became his wife (Another great couple by the way). Bribed with what you say ? Well, Joanna makes the best dang cookies you ever tasted and anyway there i was attending the getaway with another friend Justin.
The CHOICE experience is a very enlightening one, take it from me, as i am talking from a non-catholic perspective. I also cannot reveal what goes on as it is part of their disclosure agreement.
I met my wife after CHOICE at Thomas and Joana's wedding. I married my wife who is a Catholic, and i promised my Mother-in-law that i would spend 1 hour of my life weekly to accompany my wife to Church if i am able to. With that said, i have spent much time going to church, be it at HRC, CDM or in Melaka.
I noticed that they preach a lot about one being a true to God. A true Christian is not someone who goes to Church every week and goes through the normal motions of the mass, and then go home. I do know that ever since i have gone to church, i am seeing a lot of things about religion from a different perspective. I am not a Catholic, or i don't think i can just convert just like that (more on this later), and by being non-catholic and attending Church for nearly 3 years, i feel somewhat enlightened by their worship of God.
My parents in law are Catholic converts and i noticed that their faith are more pronounced when compared to most people. I was asked by my mother in law why do i not consider converting. I did some thinking and i felt weird. I was born a Buddhist and i feel kind of like traitor if i were to just up and convert. People say that converts usually have a life changing experience which would make them seek out their inner self in regards to religion. To me, i think i would feel guilty just thinking about converting. I am asking my self, why do you want to embrace Christianity ? Some are born into it therefore, continue their religion, what of converts ?, what makes them want to convert ? How is one exposed to this revelation ? I wonder . . .
Again, there are the normal issues which are found in many religion, but after much thought this is usually due to how one perceive the best way one should conduct their religion. Again, one man's meat may be poison to another.
In all, i love most is the sharing that goes on in a Catholic's world, there are truly good hearted or good natured people. My wife is one such person, to me, i think she is one of the most soft spoken and good natured person ( Plus she does not know where i blog or forgotten how to access it, so i can praise her here without letting her head grow with pride :P ) of which i have met.
Later i met a couple who eventually became our daughter's Godparents, and they are almost as good natured as my wife or even better. I mean no tempers, soft spoken and ready to talk to you in the most pleasant way possible.
Anyway, this has affected me in many ways, i feel not that bad when i help someone without expecting something in return. Don't lie, if you're saying to your self, that's what i always do. Everyone expects something when doing something for someone, its habit. There's no free lunch right ? In my wife and my daughter's Godparents, they REALLY do not expect anything.
It sometimes makes me feel ashame of my self, and i was thinking to my self what was the word that can best describe people like this and i found it. It's Sanctify. This reminded me of E.E or Evening for the Engaged, of which i attended before my wedding as it is compulsory. The pastor did remind us to be a sanctifying couple.
Here is an excerpt from the Wikipedia :-
Roman Catholicism
Sanctity according to the Catholic encyclopedia:
The term “sanctity” is employed in somewhat different senses in relation to God, to individual men, and to a corporate body. As applied to God it denotes the absolute moralgift. As used of a society, the term means perfection which is His by nature. In regard to men it signifies a close union with God, together with the moral perfection resulting from this union. Hence holiness is said to belong to God by essence, and to creatures only by participation. Whatever sanctity they possess comes to them as a Divine
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- that this society aims at producing holiness in its members, and is possessed of means capable of securing that result, and
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- that the lives of its members correspond, at least in some measure, with the purpose of the society, and display a real, not a merely nominal holiness.
It is further manifested that the Church's holiness must be of an entirely supernatural character —— something altogether beyond the power of unassisted human nature.
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- Another characteristic of holiness according to the Christian ideal is love of suffering; not as though pleasure were evil in itself, but because suffering is the great means by which our love of God is intensified and purified. All those who have attained a high degree of holiness have learnt [sic] to rejoice in suffering, because by it their love to God was freed from every element of self-seeking, and their lives conformed to that of their Master.
With my father passing on, my wife having a miscarriage and also all the little things, it has really put a dent on my emotions and concentration on life and work. I feel very drained lately, emotionally and also mentally, with all the process i needed to do to assist the smooth passing of my father,
and to also console my mother. It's great that i have a great sister, wife, family and friends watching my back. But in the end, it all boils down to me. How should i take this and how shall i face the world to come in the following years. I've got to learn how to accept a lot of things in life and adversities that one must face. But by jove, its hard !
One things for sure, i know whatever i do and wherever i'll be doing, dad will be watching me from above.
